By Bill Brohaugh
I don't understand how else to inform you this...everything you recognize approximately English is wrong.
"If you like language and the unvarnished fact, you'll love every little thing you recognize approximately English is incorrect. You'll rejoice simply because his full of life, comedic, skeptical voice will converse to you from the pages of his word-bethumped book."
-Richard Lederer, writer of Anguished English, Get Thee to a Punnery, and note Wizard
Now that you simply recognize, it's time to, good, chew the mummy tongue. William Brohaugh, former editor of Writer's Digest, might be your travel advisor in this pleasant trip in the course of the English language, stating all of the misconceptions approximately our wonderful-and splendidly confusing-native tongue. Tackling phrases, letters, grammar and principles, no sacred cow is still untipped as Brohaugh unearths such attention-grabbing and irreverent shockers as:
- should you figuratively climb the partitions, you're agitated/frustrated/crazy. when you actually climb the partitions, you're Spiderman.
- "Biting the mum Tongue": English doesn't come from England.
- The note "queue" is the poster baby of an English spelling rule so dominant we'll name it a dominatrix rule: "U needs to keep on with Q! Slave!"
- loads of our vocabulary comes from the classical languages-clearly, Greece, and never Grease, is the observe, is the observe, is the word.
-Emoticons: disagreeable punctuational predictions
"Better plotted than a word list, extra riveting than a word list, extra filmable than a Harry Potter index-and that's simply Brohaugh's footsnorts... Imean, feetsnotes...umfeetsneets?...good gravy I'mglad I'mjust a cartoonist."
-John Caldwell, one among Mad magazine's ordinary Gang of Idiots
This booklet promises you'll by no means examine the English language an identical method again-if you write, learn or communicate it, it simply ain't attainable to dwell with out this tell-all consultant. ("Ain't," by the way, isn't really a foul word.)
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Additional resources for Everything You Know About English Is Wrong
Good, because now you’re wrong. “You are right” is right on historical terms, and “You is wrong” is wrong on those same terms. To learn why, thou ist invited (and y’all are invited, too) to consult the entry for “Y’all” elsewhere in this book,15 specifically, page 165. VOWEL RULES File under “Two Vowels Walked into a Bar . ”: Walkin’ the walk ain’t necessarily talkin’ the talk. ” A good rule, albeit naive, and sometimes a moot point, said Mr. Caesar the financier. ” Not to mention mention, or to pick out some diphthongs to make the point.
My point exactly. ” Let’s consider the function of a conjunction—a nicely rhyming phrase that sounds like it would make a good song, and indeed it does. So let’s move ahead a decade to the ’70s and the venerable Schoolhouse Rock shorts that taught us how to hum along with curricula between Saturday morning cartoons. ” Those boxcars, sang the singing educators, included words, clauses, and phrases. But not sentences? Too big a boxcar? The truth is that this is more a stylistic than a grammatical dictate.
What baseball vendor in his right mind is going to go through the stands yelling “Legumes! ”? CURMUDGEON File under “Johnson, Samuel”: I find myself once again disagreeing with the eighteenth-century wordmaster with curmudgeonly respect. I’m a curmudgeon. You know, cranky, grouchy, skeptical, stubborn. And only curmudgeons would have the audacity to grouse at the esteemed Dr. Samuel Johnson, compiler of 1755’s Dictionary of the English Language, a momentous and trailblazing work to which English-watchers (and -speakers) owe incredible debt.